How often will God remind me of my weakness this summer?
It's humbling over and over to realize that I am not in control. Although I have been placed in leadership as a position here, that does not grant me omnipotence in solving issues or helping people, or in any situation for that matter.
I mean, I hate not being able to help people. It seriously makes me uncomfortable when I can't think of a way to make someone feel better. I am a very empathetic person... so your pain is mine.
So when things come up like one of my boys finding a tumor in his leg when he is only 9 and by no means could afford treatment for anything along that line.. well, it makes me want to just give up. I can't do anything about it. It breaks my heart, but it's easy to sit there and simply crawl into despair in our weakness-but contrary to this, God's word says that His strength is found in our weakness. While this is true and so easy to proclaim in times of spiritual weakness, at the same time, in situations like this, it's the same. While I can't be there to hold this boy and financially support Luís, God will provide people around him if I have faith and am fervent in prayer to ask for His help. This is the trust that we have to have. Trust that no matter what we are faced with, whether God grants us the position and the means for Him to work through us specifically to bring His healing and justice, or if we have to submit to the truth that He will use others at some point and perhaps not while we can even see it- in any case, He is sovereign over all. His will is greater than ours, His ways higher than ours.
Pray that I will be able to see this not only in my brokenness over the situations with my children, but also with broken relationships and such among the team.
Lamentations 3:22-33
Thursday 14 July 2011
Monday 4 July 2011
eternidad
You know, it's so easy to focus ourselves on day to day lives. Even if we're stuck on the past or on 27 days from now (boo), a year from now, or 10 years from now, what we're missing is that each and every part of our lives, every second, every minute affects eternity.
My supervisor spoke this morning at church about how God has entrusted us with everything we have-money, clothing, etc, but how often do you think about the hearts and souls of the people we come in contact with? Can we honestly say that we have been faithful with everything that God has entrusted us in ministry-not just on mission trips, but throughout our daily lives?
Yeesh.
I don't know. That just super convicted me today. It's so easy to become focused on efficiency and forget that the goal is not the speed of what we do, but who we do it for and our goal in mind for each and every person we come in contact with- that they may know the freedom we have found in the grace and love of our Lord.
So there you go.
Anyway.
This week, one of my favorite groups from Arkansas (Ar-kansas) is coming, so I am so so so excited! They are hardworking and wonderful, so be in prayer. And with that, be in prayer for our center. We have started a semi renovation project on our building (which was built in approx. 1960), so the falling down wooden panels on our walls have begun to be taken down and will be sanded and painted over with a more joyful color yellow-all thanks to some sweet sponsors donating $500 to each center to work on projects with! We do need about $500 more to finish our project, so be in prayer for that as well that the Lord will provide (I know He will) :)!
If I had cherished iniquity in my heart, the Lord would not have listened. But truly God has listened; he has attended to the voice of my prayer. Blessed be God, because he has not rejected my prayer or removed his steadfast love from me! -Psalm 66:18-20
Remember that if we come before the Lord clean from iniquity asking for His help, He will be faithful to listen! How awesome is our God?
My supervisor spoke this morning at church about how God has entrusted us with everything we have-money, clothing, etc, but how often do you think about the hearts and souls of the people we come in contact with? Can we honestly say that we have been faithful with everything that God has entrusted us in ministry-not just on mission trips, but throughout our daily lives?
Yeesh.
I don't know. That just super convicted me today. It's so easy to become focused on efficiency and forget that the goal is not the speed of what we do, but who we do it for and our goal in mind for each and every person we come in contact with- that they may know the freedom we have found in the grace and love of our Lord.
So there you go.
Anyway.
This week, one of my favorite groups from Arkansas (Ar-kansas) is coming, so I am so so so excited! They are hardworking and wonderful, so be in prayer. And with that, be in prayer for our center. We have started a semi renovation project on our building (which was built in approx. 1960), so the falling down wooden panels on our walls have begun to be taken down and will be sanded and painted over with a more joyful color yellow-all thanks to some sweet sponsors donating $500 to each center to work on projects with! We do need about $500 more to finish our project, so be in prayer for that as well that the Lord will provide (I know He will) :)!
If I had cherished iniquity in my heart, the Lord would not have listened. But truly God has listened; he has attended to the voice of my prayer. Blessed be God, because he has not rejected my prayer or removed his steadfast love from me! -Psalm 66:18-20
Remember that if we come before the Lord clean from iniquity asking for His help, He will be faithful to listen! How awesome is our God?
Sunday 26 June 2011
frustration
You know, frustration happens. It's not that I'm particularly mad at anything... it's just frustrating. You know? Sometimes, I just want to be in control so bad. I want to be secure in knowing that all of my children were born here and that I don't have to think about them having to lean on the centers not just for clubs to learn about Jesus, but for food in clothing in a mere two years or so. That stinks. It just plain stinks. These kids have potential and passion- they are more humble a lot of the time than most of the people I find in the churches that surrounding my home. Why do they have to be the ones caught with the short straw? Why? Why do I get to go to college and travel around the world and have my own car when they don't even have their own room or more than one pair of shoes?
Well, my heart is broken as of now, but God will heal it and is doing so as I type. I need to learn daily to lay down my cares and my worries at His feet, for as I told my kids over and over this weekend- God listens to our prayers. He hears them and loves us more than anything. He loves them more than anything. Even if they won't find their dreams in the States because of their citizenship-if they can't be a therapist or a marine and have to work construction or live off of stamps... God will be with them. But right now, I just hate it more than anything. How is this justice?
Psalm 38:9 -10, 15 says "O Lord, all my longing is before you; my sighing is not hidden from you. My heart throbs; my strength fails me, and the light of my eyes--it has also gone from me... But for you, O LORD, do I wait; it is you, O Lord my God, who will answer."
That's my prayer right now. God knows our pains, our sighs- He hears our sighs... but all in all, I am waiting for Him to be glorified, for He will be. He will not abandon me just as He will never abandon my kids.
Anyhow, enough of that rant. We just got back from taking 35 of our teens and preteens to Trinity Pines, a camp out in the woods, for the weekend to learn more about having a relationship with God and what that truly looks like. It was a super blessing to be able to be a part of that. I was in a cabin with another missionary who I love and 3 teens from Gano center and one from mine, and to see the struggles these girls face as well as how God has moved in their hearts was just humbling. One girl gave birth to a little girl 5 months ago and talking to her, hearing how she wants to follow God, is feeling His convictions, and how much she's learned from the unwed pregnancy was beautiful. There is no other word to describe it. That is God's glory right there-taking such a rough situation and making it a blessing beyond belief.
Talking to one of my favorite teen boys from my center was sweet as well. One of them opened up about how hard it is to be at his school with dealers all around, but how he doesn't want to live that life. He wants to be a therapist. And every single door that was to be passed through was held open by him for even twenty minutes at most. And he told me I was his best friend. Which he's said before. But he's adorable. It's like being a big sister.
They are so precious.
So, this week, we'll have a new group helping us, so pray that God will grant us patience and grace in teaching them how to grow as leaders. Pray that our kids will have hope for a future following the Lord.. and that I will trust that as well.
grace and peace.
Well, my heart is broken as of now, but God will heal it and is doing so as I type. I need to learn daily to lay down my cares and my worries at His feet, for as I told my kids over and over this weekend- God listens to our prayers. He hears them and loves us more than anything. He loves them more than anything. Even if they won't find their dreams in the States because of their citizenship-if they can't be a therapist or a marine and have to work construction or live off of stamps... God will be with them. But right now, I just hate it more than anything. How is this justice?
Psalm 38:9 -10, 15 says "O Lord, all my longing is before you; my sighing is not hidden from you. My heart throbs; my strength fails me, and the light of my eyes--it has also gone from me... But for you, O LORD, do I wait; it is you, O Lord my God, who will answer."
That's my prayer right now. God knows our pains, our sighs- He hears our sighs... but all in all, I am waiting for Him to be glorified, for He will be. He will not abandon me just as He will never abandon my kids.
Anyhow, enough of that rant. We just got back from taking 35 of our teens and preteens to Trinity Pines, a camp out in the woods, for the weekend to learn more about having a relationship with God and what that truly looks like. It was a super blessing to be able to be a part of that. I was in a cabin with another missionary who I love and 3 teens from Gano center and one from mine, and to see the struggles these girls face as well as how God has moved in their hearts was just humbling. One girl gave birth to a little girl 5 months ago and talking to her, hearing how she wants to follow God, is feeling His convictions, and how much she's learned from the unwed pregnancy was beautiful. There is no other word to describe it. That is God's glory right there-taking such a rough situation and making it a blessing beyond belief.
Talking to one of my favorite teen boys from my center was sweet as well. One of them opened up about how hard it is to be at his school with dealers all around, but how he doesn't want to live that life. He wants to be a therapist. And every single door that was to be passed through was held open by him for even twenty minutes at most. And he told me I was his best friend. Which he's said before. But he's adorable. It's like being a big sister.
They are so precious.
So, this week, we'll have a new group helping us, so pray that God will grant us patience and grace in teaching them how to grow as leaders. Pray that our kids will have hope for a future following the Lord.. and that I will trust that as well.
grace and peace.
Tuesday 14 June 2011
How do you say "I'm going to spend my life with you in spanish?"
Aaaaand groups have begun. After a summer with only about five last year, to have the whole summer booked up every week with volunteer mission groups coming daily is kind of awesome. It's a lot more responsibility in a different way, but at the same time, it's cool to be able to build relationships with them and see how God works through them during the week- not to mention, they are so encouraging when we're exhausted!
You know what's crazy? It's so easy to tell the difference when you're in prayer and not by how our days go. Yesterday, we were supposed to get this HUGE order of food in before kids club started- you know, 40 containers of chicken, 100 containers of corn, all that jazz, nothing big- and instead of coming two hours before the kids came, it came 5 minutes prior. Ha. Hilarious, right? So as the kids poured in, all 20 of us with the group (who is awesome! they are absolutely wonderful!) ran around like chickens with our heads cut off trying to get the food in the building, to the pantry, and organized. All the while, the kids were crazy. I walked in once, and our director was struggling to get everyone checked in and a couple of boys were in a fight. Well, that never happens. Not kidding.
The thing is, we didn't pray that afternoon. Every day before club, we always-always! pray. Prayer is so powerful. When we put our problems at the feet of God and trust Him with them, He will help us follow Him and will help us control our attitudes...
So, that's my brain-fried struggle of a thought for the day. Sorry if it didn't make a whoooole lot of sense. I tried.
Things you could pray for:
-We're taking our preteens and children on a field trip on Thursday- pray that things will go smoothly, kids will show up, and that no one gets lost or hurt!
- Unity in our house. I can tell prayer has had an effect!
- VoBS- Vocational Beginners School. We've just started this program this year for our teens (ones who have shown clear direction and motivation in their lives) to help train them on how to approach the work world in an informed and Godly way. It's pretty cool. Pray that it will be effective and will raise leaders in the community.
And that's about it for right now! Oh, and I did get cheesed at the last church we visited. At the dinner afterwards, a fifteen year old boy who was quite the awkward fellow asked me how to say "I'm going to spend my life with you in spanish."
Ahem.
No sir.
Anywho, spend some time in prayer today! 1 Thessalonians 5:17 says that we are to "pray without ceasing."
I know that's said a lot, but let's live it out. :)
grace and peace
You know what's crazy? It's so easy to tell the difference when you're in prayer and not by how our days go. Yesterday, we were supposed to get this HUGE order of food in before kids club started- you know, 40 containers of chicken, 100 containers of corn, all that jazz, nothing big- and instead of coming two hours before the kids came, it came 5 minutes prior. Ha. Hilarious, right? So as the kids poured in, all 20 of us with the group (who is awesome! they are absolutely wonderful!) ran around like chickens with our heads cut off trying to get the food in the building, to the pantry, and organized. All the while, the kids were crazy. I walked in once, and our director was struggling to get everyone checked in and a couple of boys were in a fight. Well, that never happens. Not kidding.
The thing is, we didn't pray that afternoon. Every day before club, we always-always! pray. Prayer is so powerful. When we put our problems at the feet of God and trust Him with them, He will help us follow Him and will help us control our attitudes...
So, that's my brain-fried struggle of a thought for the day. Sorry if it didn't make a whoooole lot of sense. I tried.
Things you could pray for:
-We're taking our preteens and children on a field trip on Thursday- pray that things will go smoothly, kids will show up, and that no one gets lost or hurt!
- Unity in our house. I can tell prayer has had an effect!
- VoBS- Vocational Beginners School. We've just started this program this year for our teens (ones who have shown clear direction and motivation in their lives) to help train them on how to approach the work world in an informed and Godly way. It's pretty cool. Pray that it will be effective and will raise leaders in the community.
And that's about it for right now! Oh, and I did get cheesed at the last church we visited. At the dinner afterwards, a fifteen year old boy who was quite the awkward fellow asked me how to say "I'm going to spend my life with you in spanish."
Ahem.
No sir.
Anywho, spend some time in prayer today! 1 Thessalonians 5:17 says that we are to "pray without ceasing."
I know that's said a lot, but let's live it out. :)
grace and peace
Monday 13 June 2011
Surrender
If you know me at all, you probably know that I am a planner at heart. I live by my hour-by-hour purple planner and I have (or had) my entire class list at Mercer planned out via Excel sheet saved on my computer.
Well, today, at a church, I shared my testimony. I talked about how although in the search to find something to make me feel whole in this world, I suffered a lot and went through so many situations that were detrimental to my spirit- but even though those things happened, I knew that the Lord had been with me all the way and knew what was best for me. All of the things that hurt me at the time, like not getting into the school I wanted to, my grandmother dying, relationships crumbling- they led me to my knees and eventually God worked them together to get me here in a place where I feel more loved, more purposeful, and more joyful than any other time in my life. Not only that, but the most growth I have ever felt in my walk with the Lord has occurred here.
After saying all of that, I proceeded to spend the rest of the evening distracting myself with possibilities. Possibilities upon possibilities about where I may end up in the next four years-planning, anguishing over details, overall breaking my trust in God for my own selfish gain.
But what do I gain?
Matthew 6, which I apparently still cannot get into my head from last night says that I gain nothing from stressing myself out about the future- God knows where I will be and what I will be doing. I don't need to know- all I need to do is serve Him and glorify Him where He has put me right now. How easily I forget what a blessing it is for me to even be here, even if just for a moment!
I can't be in two places in time at once, but God has my life planned out to the t, and He knows exactly what's good for me.
Pray that I will be able to surrender to that and trust that God will place me where I ought to be, and that I can focus on the amazingly awesomely wonderfully perfect place that God has put me right now. Well, perfect for me. I cannot get over how much I love this place.
In any case, exciting news- We had block parties for the kids and preteens on Saturday- ours was super precious. It was farm themed, and all of the kids got little farm animal visors and got to have fun and all that jazz, so hopefully any new ones will come back for club tomorrow! Also, a Korean church is helping at all 3 centers next week, so pray that we will be equipped to lead them with humility and love.
Well, today, at a church, I shared my testimony. I talked about how although in the search to find something to make me feel whole in this world, I suffered a lot and went through so many situations that were detrimental to my spirit- but even though those things happened, I knew that the Lord had been with me all the way and knew what was best for me. All of the things that hurt me at the time, like not getting into the school I wanted to, my grandmother dying, relationships crumbling- they led me to my knees and eventually God worked them together to get me here in a place where I feel more loved, more purposeful, and more joyful than any other time in my life. Not only that, but the most growth I have ever felt in my walk with the Lord has occurred here.
After saying all of that, I proceeded to spend the rest of the evening distracting myself with possibilities. Possibilities upon possibilities about where I may end up in the next four years-planning, anguishing over details, overall breaking my trust in God for my own selfish gain.
But what do I gain?
Matthew 6, which I apparently still cannot get into my head from last night says that I gain nothing from stressing myself out about the future- God knows where I will be and what I will be doing. I don't need to know- all I need to do is serve Him and glorify Him where He has put me right now. How easily I forget what a blessing it is for me to even be here, even if just for a moment!
I can't be in two places in time at once, but God has my life planned out to the t, and He knows exactly what's good for me.
Pray that I will be able to surrender to that and trust that God will place me where I ought to be, and that I can focus on the amazingly awesomely wonderfully perfect place that God has put me right now. Well, perfect for me. I cannot get over how much I love this place.
In any case, exciting news- We had block parties for the kids and preteens on Saturday- ours was super precious. It was farm themed, and all of the kids got little farm animal visors and got to have fun and all that jazz, so hopefully any new ones will come back for club tomorrow! Also, a Korean church is helping at all 3 centers next week, so pray that we will be equipped to lead them with humility and love.
Sunday 12 June 2011
¡fiel es el Señor!
Woah. Ever had that time where you prayed, and you really believed that God would answer your prayers in His time and in His way because He loves us that much?
Well, that's one of our theme ish question things this summer- What if we believed God? What if we believed that prayer is powerful and that God truly does work through it? Well, you know, earlier this week, when I was wearing the shirt that said that, I thought to myself and was like, huh. You know, there are a lot of times where I really don't believe that-times that I pray easy prayers, ones that surely God will answer, or half-believingly pray something pretty big, thinking in the back of my mind that God will never, ever do such an awesome thing in my simple little life.
Psht. Who am I kidding? Am I really thinking of the same God whose son was resurrected from the grave, who parted the seas, brought the dead to life, and will bring justice to this world? I couldn't be.
Seriously.
God has a plan for this city, and He has a plan for me. He doesn't want my halfway prayers; He doesn't want me to kind of believe His promises.
He wants me to have faith that hearts can change, that souls can be saved, that He is enough for us all.
So here it is. Here I am, believing that God can and will change the hearts here, that lives will be changed, and that God will continue to give me faith that His will is perfect for me and that I need Him more than anything in this world.
Pray that I would continue to have faith. Pray for the community, that their hearts would cry out for God to fill the hole that sin has left within them. Pray that our team would be strengthened and unified in the goal of glorifying God in everything that we do. Pray that love would overcome the sin abounding here.
And finally, this song has been weighing on my heart for most of this week, so I figured I would share it.
Lord I Need You by Chris Tomlin
Lord I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart
You're the one that guides my heart
Lord, I need You, oh I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
Where sin runs deep, Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
And where You are Lord I am free
Holiness is Christ in me
Yes where You are Lord I am free
Holiness is Christ in me
So teach my song to rise to You
When temptation comes my way
And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You
Jesus You're my hope and stay
And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You
Jesus You're my hope and stay
The only way we can go on living is through trust and faith that God will pick us up when we fall and that He has everything that we need to go on. I pray that you will walk in faithfulness to our God.
Matt. 6:25-34
Well, that's one of our theme ish question things this summer- What if we believed God? What if we believed that prayer is powerful and that God truly does work through it? Well, you know, earlier this week, when I was wearing the shirt that said that, I thought to myself and was like, huh. You know, there are a lot of times where I really don't believe that-times that I pray easy prayers, ones that surely God will answer, or half-believingly pray something pretty big, thinking in the back of my mind that God will never, ever do such an awesome thing in my simple little life.
Psht. Who am I kidding? Am I really thinking of the same God whose son was resurrected from the grave, who parted the seas, brought the dead to life, and will bring justice to this world? I couldn't be.
Seriously.
God has a plan for this city, and He has a plan for me. He doesn't want my halfway prayers; He doesn't want me to kind of believe His promises.
He wants me to have faith that hearts can change, that souls can be saved, that He is enough for us all.
So here it is. Here I am, believing that God can and will change the hearts here, that lives will be changed, and that God will continue to give me faith that His will is perfect for me and that I need Him more than anything in this world.
Pray that I would continue to have faith. Pray for the community, that their hearts would cry out for God to fill the hole that sin has left within them. Pray that our team would be strengthened and unified in the goal of glorifying God in everything that we do. Pray that love would overcome the sin abounding here.
And finally, this song has been weighing on my heart for most of this week, so I figured I would share it.
Lord I Need You by Chris Tomlin
Lord I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart
You're the one that guides my heart
Lord, I need You, oh I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
Where sin runs deep, Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
And where You are Lord I am free
Holiness is Christ in me
Yes where You are Lord I am free
Holiness is Christ in me
So teach my song to rise to You
When temptation comes my way
And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You
Jesus You're my hope and stay
And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You
Jesus You're my hope and stay
The only way we can go on living is through trust and faith that God will pick us up when we fall and that He has everything that we need to go on. I pray that you will walk in faithfulness to our God.
Matt. 6:25-34
Monday 6 June 2011
Flexibility
So, when I was younger, I did gymnastics. More of, I lived gymnastics. Everything I did had to do with it. About 20 hours a week were given to the sport between the ages of 6 and 14 of my life. For that, I was required to be quite flexible, which took a lot of discipline, but not only that- pain as well.
Well, it seems nothing changes. Flexibility is still something I learn on a daily basis, but just not so much while wearing leotards and prancing around a gym. Flexibility is such an important part of the life of someone in missions, whether it be a week or a lifetime. Things change. The more we try to plan, the more God shows us that His plan, and His plan only is good.
All of this to say that today, I found out due to a lot of things happening, I am no longer teaching a class of 7 to 10 year olds, but instead, I'm teaching the 4-6 spanish Bible study. There's just a teensy bit of change there. You know. Language. So, while it took me a minute (or two) to adjust to the challenge of that, I know that God has a plan for this. I know I need practice in the language. I know that I need to spread out my experience with different ages of children. And not only that, but I'm not alone. I have a supervisor that will do anything to help me, and wonderful friends who are fluent in spanish and would love nothing more than to help me translate, so there it is again-God showing that He is in control and He will provide anything I need for me.
The other thing is, well, I feel God convicting me to drop French as a major. While I love languages with all my heart, I've been struggling with French. It's not that it's terribly, terribly hard, I just don't have a passion for the culture as much as I do for the hispanic culture, and that poses a problem. So, that will be hard. So just pray that I'm listening to what God is saying and willing to follow him no matter what and no matter where he leads me.
But anyway, ministries start tomorrow! Pray for us! I am so, so excited :)
Isaiah 42:1-4
Behold my servant, whom I uphold,
my chosen, in whom my soul delights;
he will bring forth justice to the nations.
He will not cry aloud or lift up his voice,
or make it heard in the street;
a bruised reed he will not break,
and a faintly burning wick he will not quench;
he will faithfully bring forth justice.
He will not grow faint or be discouraged
till he has established justice in the earth;
and the coastlands wait for his law..."
You should really read the rest of that. That's the kind of servant I am striving to be. One that does not shout aloud or lift up his voice, gently leading God's people to their Father...
grace and peace!
Well, it seems nothing changes. Flexibility is still something I learn on a daily basis, but just not so much while wearing leotards and prancing around a gym. Flexibility is such an important part of the life of someone in missions, whether it be a week or a lifetime. Things change. The more we try to plan, the more God shows us that His plan, and His plan only is good.
All of this to say that today, I found out due to a lot of things happening, I am no longer teaching a class of 7 to 10 year olds, but instead, I'm teaching the 4-6 spanish Bible study. There's just a teensy bit of change there. You know. Language. So, while it took me a minute (or two) to adjust to the challenge of that, I know that God has a plan for this. I know I need practice in the language. I know that I need to spread out my experience with different ages of children. And not only that, but I'm not alone. I have a supervisor that will do anything to help me, and wonderful friends who are fluent in spanish and would love nothing more than to help me translate, so there it is again-God showing that He is in control and He will provide anything I need for me.
The other thing is, well, I feel God convicting me to drop French as a major. While I love languages with all my heart, I've been struggling with French. It's not that it's terribly, terribly hard, I just don't have a passion for the culture as much as I do for the hispanic culture, and that poses a problem. So, that will be hard. So just pray that I'm listening to what God is saying and willing to follow him no matter what and no matter where he leads me.
But anyway, ministries start tomorrow! Pray for us! I am so, so excited :)
Isaiah 42:1-4
Behold my servant, whom I uphold,
my chosen, in whom my soul delights;
he will bring forth justice to the nations.
He will not cry aloud or lift up his voice,
or make it heard in the street;
a bruised reed he will not break,
and a faintly burning wick he will not quench;
he will faithfully bring forth justice.
He will not grow faint or be discouraged
till he has established justice in the earth;
and the coastlands wait for his law..."
You should really read the rest of that. That's the kind of servant I am striving to be. One that does not shout aloud or lift up his voice, gently leading God's people to their Father...
grace and peace!
Thursday 2 June 2011
Wow.
I really couldn't think of a better title than that. I mean, really. I don't think you understand how good our God is. I certainly don't. Daily, God blesses me and loves me more than I can imagine- and I'm floored.
Well, I'm home. It's super surreal. Since I left 10 months ago, I've been hoping and praying and wanting to be back here doing what is so close to my heart, and I'm here and it simply doesn't feel real. It feels like I never left.
Already, though, God is teaching me. I know this will be another summer of good, hard, heart-wrenchingly beautiful lessons.
I had myself entirely geared for differences this year. We only have 13 missionaries, as compared to 21 last summer. I have a new bed (by choice, haha-it's a lot darker and quieter in my new corner), new friends (plus Lauren and Karenie, my dear friends and sisters from last summer), and expected and prepared my heart to be in a new center.
Ha.
Just when I was completely at peace with the idea of meeting new kids and doing new things and loving them all the same no matter what, as we played a game of heads up seven up (no really, we're that awesome) to see who was at which center, Gano and Fletcher missions were chosen.. and, well, I wasn't. Imagine my confusion. Our supervisor, Ginger, has a strict policy against sending returning missionaries to the same center.
Well, some things change. I'm not complaining. Nor is Lauren. We're actually quite elated.
Here's the deal, though. This year, I'm Joy center's 'team leader.' Woah. So, as I said, a summer of learning. I really am excited to see God work in my weakness, through water or fire-His will is good.
I really can't express my excitement. I'm still having to pinch myself, though. Going to my favorite places, seeing my favorite people, the amazing staff that I love, being back with friends, being in a place that I feel is so close to God's heart... I'm humbled by God's love. Eight months ago, I didn't think I would have the opportunity to come.
God really does work all things together for good. Really, He does.
No, really.
Even after a tough semester, where honestly, I feel like I didn't leave much with, God has me back here where He brought my heart so desperately and happily in love with Him- and just as Jesus brought Peter back to where they first met, reminding him of his betrayal in John 21-here I am, reminded of my brokenness, yet at the same time hopeful-because our God is faithful and abounding in steadfast love (it says so in Psalm 86 :)
So meditate on that, breathe it, and remember: Though we fall time and time again, God will bring us back to where we have been in pure communion, reminding us of where we've been, not to hurt us, but to show us that He loves us more than we can even begin to know.
That being said, please continue to keep our team in your prayers- pray for unity and strength and that we will rely on God throughout the summer and never get weary of time with Him. Pray for me, please. Pray that I will lead as Christ did-not as someone above, but as a servant leader in humility, relying on His word. Pray for the people we will be serving this summer, that their hearts will be open and that we will have opportunity upon opportunity to share God's love with them- and that the love we have for them is not ours, but God's.
I love you all a lot! Grace and peace!
Well, I'm home. It's super surreal. Since I left 10 months ago, I've been hoping and praying and wanting to be back here doing what is so close to my heart, and I'm here and it simply doesn't feel real. It feels like I never left.
Already, though, God is teaching me. I know this will be another summer of good, hard, heart-wrenchingly beautiful lessons.
I had myself entirely geared for differences this year. We only have 13 missionaries, as compared to 21 last summer. I have a new bed (by choice, haha-it's a lot darker and quieter in my new corner), new friends (plus Lauren and Karenie, my dear friends and sisters from last summer), and expected and prepared my heart to be in a new center.
Ha.
Just when I was completely at peace with the idea of meeting new kids and doing new things and loving them all the same no matter what, as we played a game of heads up seven up (no really, we're that awesome) to see who was at which center, Gano and Fletcher missions were chosen.. and, well, I wasn't. Imagine my confusion. Our supervisor, Ginger, has a strict policy against sending returning missionaries to the same center.
Well, some things change. I'm not complaining. Nor is Lauren. We're actually quite elated.
Here's the deal, though. This year, I'm Joy center's 'team leader.' Woah. So, as I said, a summer of learning. I really am excited to see God work in my weakness, through water or fire-His will is good.
I really can't express my excitement. I'm still having to pinch myself, though. Going to my favorite places, seeing my favorite people, the amazing staff that I love, being back with friends, being in a place that I feel is so close to God's heart... I'm humbled by God's love. Eight months ago, I didn't think I would have the opportunity to come.
God really does work all things together for good. Really, He does.
No, really.
Even after a tough semester, where honestly, I feel like I didn't leave much with, God has me back here where He brought my heart so desperately and happily in love with Him- and just as Jesus brought Peter back to where they first met, reminding him of his betrayal in John 21-here I am, reminded of my brokenness, yet at the same time hopeful-because our God is faithful and abounding in steadfast love (it says so in Psalm 86 :)
So meditate on that, breathe it, and remember: Though we fall time and time again, God will bring us back to where we have been in pure communion, reminding us of where we've been, not to hurt us, but to show us that He loves us more than we can even begin to know.
That being said, please continue to keep our team in your prayers- pray for unity and strength and that we will rely on God throughout the summer and never get weary of time with Him. Pray for me, please. Pray that I will lead as Christ did-not as someone above, but as a servant leader in humility, relying on His word. Pray for the people we will be serving this summer, that their hearts will be open and that we will have opportunity upon opportunity to share God's love with them- and that the love we have for them is not ours, but God's.
I love you all a lot! Grace and peace!
Tuesday 24 May 2011
ζουν εκ προθέσεως
Along with being blessed enough to be able to serve in Htown, this summer has potential to be quite interesting.
Right now, I'm enjoying my last just-family vacation before my brother is married.
In the next two weeks, my sister will give birth to her first, Elijah James.
In about a month and a half, my brother will marry his Georgia Honors Program sweetheart.
In August, I'll be moving into my first rental house.
With all of these events, chapters coming to a close, new ones beginning... the first thing to come to mind is:
Weird.
Typical, I know. I'm still getting used to this whole real adult stuff, I guess. Call me naive or immature, but woah. It seems like yesterday that my brother and I obsessed with bringing friends on vacation so it wouldn't be boring. I don't really feel quite old enough to be an aunt, but I'm super excited nonetheless. Honestly, it's crazy (and really exciting) to think that Nat's getting hitched. I would think the whole house thing would be crazier, but hey, I'm blinded with excitement about having a kitchen. For real.
I guess that's how life is though, doors opening, doors closing... I always seem to slightly dread these changes, but every time I seem surprised to see how God has truly blessed each and every chapter of my life so far. It may be different, but it's awesome to see His hand in everything that has happened.
This is how it's going to be for the rest of life. Things are occasionally hard to let go. It's still hard for me to think of the suddenness of my grandmother's death nearly three years ago, but my new step-grandmother has brought so much joy to my family already. I miss my high school friends occasionally, but oh, God has been so good to bring amazing friends who are practically my family all over Macon and even sweet friends around the world. I'll miss having my siblings so close to me, but I am overjoyed to see what God has in store for their new families. So while there may be pain in the offering, giving up control and giving up holding onto those things leaves space for the joy that God brings when we give Him the reigns in our life.
In At the End of the Spear, Nate Saint's son expresses the grief that he felt along with his family when God revealed to him that it was time for him to stop living alongside the Waodani people and let them grow as a sustained people, leaning on God and one another rather than those from the outside world. Although this was painful for all, in the long run, it was necessary. It has helped the Waodani to gain respect from the outside world and thrive as a people, rather than dying out.
To bring back an old quote that I adore:
"The disposition... to leave the dearest objects of our hearts in the sublime keeping of the general and unspecific belief that God is now answering our prayers in His own time and way, and in the best manner, involves a present process of inward crucifixion which is obviously unfavorable to the growth and even the existence of the life of self"- TC Upham
Inner crucifixion. That describes perfectly the experience we have as we learn to die to ourselves, to understand that God has the best intentions for us all, whether we can see it yet, or if we're still having trouble keeping focus from the pain of a chapter ending. But that's it--God does have our desires in mind when our minds and hearts are set on Him. When we are seeking Him, He will be faithful. That is the most comforting thing in the world. No matter what happens, when my heart is bent to His, His joy and peace will be upon me. His will will be done.
So my encouragement to you in this rather random post is to continue to trust that God works all things together for His good. I know we've all heard that a trillion and five times, but once again- all things work together for His good. Repeat it and remember the love of our God to His people.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. -Romans 8:28-30
Right now, I'm enjoying my last just-family vacation before my brother is married.
In the next two weeks, my sister will give birth to her first, Elijah James.
In about a month and a half, my brother will marry his Georgia Honors Program sweetheart.
In August, I'll be moving into my first rental house.
With all of these events, chapters coming to a close, new ones beginning... the first thing to come to mind is:
Weird.
Typical, I know. I'm still getting used to this whole real adult stuff, I guess. Call me naive or immature, but woah. It seems like yesterday that my brother and I obsessed with bringing friends on vacation so it wouldn't be boring. I don't really feel quite old enough to be an aunt, but I'm super excited nonetheless. Honestly, it's crazy (and really exciting) to think that Nat's getting hitched. I would think the whole house thing would be crazier, but hey, I'm blinded with excitement about having a kitchen. For real.
I guess that's how life is though, doors opening, doors closing... I always seem to slightly dread these changes, but every time I seem surprised to see how God has truly blessed each and every chapter of my life so far. It may be different, but it's awesome to see His hand in everything that has happened.
This is how it's going to be for the rest of life. Things are occasionally hard to let go. It's still hard for me to think of the suddenness of my grandmother's death nearly three years ago, but my new step-grandmother has brought so much joy to my family already. I miss my high school friends occasionally, but oh, God has been so good to bring amazing friends who are practically my family all over Macon and even sweet friends around the world. I'll miss having my siblings so close to me, but I am overjoyed to see what God has in store for their new families. So while there may be pain in the offering, giving up control and giving up holding onto those things leaves space for the joy that God brings when we give Him the reigns in our life.
In At the End of the Spear, Nate Saint's son expresses the grief that he felt along with his family when God revealed to him that it was time for him to stop living alongside the Waodani people and let them grow as a sustained people, leaning on God and one another rather than those from the outside world. Although this was painful for all, in the long run, it was necessary. It has helped the Waodani to gain respect from the outside world and thrive as a people, rather than dying out.
To bring back an old quote that I adore:
"The disposition... to leave the dearest objects of our hearts in the sublime keeping of the general and unspecific belief that God is now answering our prayers in His own time and way, and in the best manner, involves a present process of inward crucifixion which is obviously unfavorable to the growth and even the existence of the life of self"- TC Upham
Inner crucifixion. That describes perfectly the experience we have as we learn to die to ourselves, to understand that God has the best intentions for us all, whether we can see it yet, or if we're still having trouble keeping focus from the pain of a chapter ending. But that's it--God does have our desires in mind when our minds and hearts are set on Him. When we are seeking Him, He will be faithful. That is the most comforting thing in the world. No matter what happens, when my heart is bent to His, His joy and peace will be upon me. His will will be done.
So my encouragement to you in this rather random post is to continue to trust that God works all things together for His good. I know we've all heard that a trillion and five times, but once again- all things work together for His good. Repeat it and remember the love of our God to His people.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. -Romans 8:28-30
Monday 16 May 2011
Houston-Round Two
In two weeks and one day (not to be counting down of, course-how juvenile!), I will be home. Home, home, home. Not that Peachtree City isn't great, or that I don't love Macon or anything, because I do, so much, but as they say, home is where the heart is-and that's the thing-God's stuck my heart right beside those people. You know, the ones there in ghetto of Houston-the rich and the poor, especially the poor, the widowed, the broken. It's not that I don't see that here, because Macon is certainly hurting, but there is no feeling like knowing that God has called you to a particular place or people. If you know me at all, you should know that while I love my amazing friends and family here, there is nothing I love more than latino culture. I love talking to them, serving them, being friends with them, and I would certainly would love to live alongside of them one day.
All of that leading up to the fact that I'm restarting my blog for the summer. I've been posting on and off as of late, but I guess, that's mainly been for my own good. This will be, too... but I guess now it's public-er. So, here we go. My lovely revamped blog (did you notice? I like it.) is back.
A few things that I'd love for you guys to do (whoever you are...) as I prepare to get back to the wonderful west:
Pray for me. God has been so good lately in bringing me closer to Him and showing me areas that I can improve, but you're prayer would mean so much, and God listens.
Pray for MCH. Pray that the hearts of the people there would be opened to His word and His love. Pray that God will provide-oh, how He does!-but pray that people would be obedient in listening to Him about donating to keep this wonderful organization going.
Pray for my team. It's going to be quite a bit smaller this year, but I'm excited to gain some more brothers and sisters as I did last year. Pray that we will be unified in prayer and in our love for the Lord, just as we were last year. Pray that we will be strengthened, not only physically, but in spirit as well. We'll need it.
And one selfish plea: Send me letters? :) There is no better thing than coming home from a delightfully trying day to snail mail. Trust me. It's wonderful.
Catherine Lee
c/o Gano Mission Center
1815 Gano Street
Houston, TX 77009
So there you go. I am so, so, so excited to be back. I know it will be different, but wherever God wants me, I am so ready. Thanks for your prayer and encouragement! I love you all! And just because I really liked this...
"The Bible is hundreds upon hundreds of voices all calling at once... And somewhere in the midst of them all one particular voice speaks out that is unlike any other voice because it speaks so directly to the deepest privacy and longing and weariness of each of us that there are times when the centuries are blown away like mist, and it is as if we stand with no shelter of time at all between ourselves and the One who speaks our secret name. 'Come,' the voice says. 'Unto me. All ye.' Every last one."-Frederick Buechner
So my encouragement to you today is to go past the voices around you in this world and look into God's word and hear His voice, a voice sweeter than anything found in worldly happiness, love, or peace. His is stronger and greater than all of those, filled with a love beyond any human understanding.
gracia y paz.
All of that leading up to the fact that I'm restarting my blog for the summer. I've been posting on and off as of late, but I guess, that's mainly been for my own good. This will be, too... but I guess now it's public-er. So, here we go. My lovely revamped blog (did you notice? I like it.) is back.
A few things that I'd love for you guys to do (whoever you are...) as I prepare to get back to the wonderful west:
Pray for me. God has been so good lately in bringing me closer to Him and showing me areas that I can improve, but you're prayer would mean so much, and God listens.
Pray for MCH. Pray that the hearts of the people there would be opened to His word and His love. Pray that God will provide-oh, how He does!-but pray that people would be obedient in listening to Him about donating to keep this wonderful organization going.
Pray for my team. It's going to be quite a bit smaller this year, but I'm excited to gain some more brothers and sisters as I did last year. Pray that we will be unified in prayer and in our love for the Lord, just as we were last year. Pray that we will be strengthened, not only physically, but in spirit as well. We'll need it.
And one selfish plea: Send me letters? :) There is no better thing than coming home from a delightfully trying day to snail mail. Trust me. It's wonderful.
Catherine Lee
c/o Gano Mission Center
1815 Gano Street
Houston, TX 77009
So there you go. I am so, so, so excited to be back. I know it will be different, but wherever God wants me, I am so ready. Thanks for your prayer and encouragement! I love you all! And just because I really liked this...
"The Bible is hundreds upon hundreds of voices all calling at once... And somewhere in the midst of them all one particular voice speaks out that is unlike any other voice because it speaks so directly to the deepest privacy and longing and weariness of each of us that there are times when the centuries are blown away like mist, and it is as if we stand with no shelter of time at all between ourselves and the One who speaks our secret name. 'Come,' the voice says. 'Unto me. All ye.' Every last one."-Frederick Buechner
So my encouragement to you today is to go past the voices around you in this world and look into God's word and hear His voice, a voice sweeter than anything found in worldly happiness, love, or peace. His is stronger and greater than all of those, filled with a love beyond any human understanding.
gracia y paz.
Monday 18 April 2011
sigh no more
Longing.
Every minute, every hour everyone experiences some sort of longing. Whether it be towards an object, a person, or a state of being, longing remains as an inescapable part of our existence on earth.
One of my favorite quotes by CS Lewis is his quote on our existence as sojourners or exiles here:
"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."
The existence of a Christ follower on earth ought to be filled with longing- longing to know and follow the Lord our God more profoundly and deeply each day, and although His love and peace and affirmation will fill us more than anything else on this earth can, the fact of the matter is that we can and should not ever be truly satisfied here. As my dear Clive stated, we aren't meant for this world. Our hearts cannot and will not be at home here.
This is where I struggle. My longings are so fickle and easily distracted. Thinking about things I've inwardly moaned about in the last week, well, the constant certainly wasn't 'let me be more useful to you, God' or 'give me discernment.' It was more like, 'when will I SLEEP' and 'oh, how I wish this semester was over.' I guess my lesson here is that there is more to life than our mundane longings. Push past it and focus on those that will not only bring God glory, but give us the peace and joy found in His kingdom.
grace and peace
Also, I couldn't leave out this passage by Lewis:
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.
Every minute, every hour everyone experiences some sort of longing. Whether it be towards an object, a person, or a state of being, longing remains as an inescapable part of our existence on earth.
One of my favorite quotes by CS Lewis is his quote on our existence as sojourners or exiles here:
"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."
The existence of a Christ follower on earth ought to be filled with longing- longing to know and follow the Lord our God more profoundly and deeply each day, and although His love and peace and affirmation will fill us more than anything else on this earth can, the fact of the matter is that we can and should not ever be truly satisfied here. As my dear Clive stated, we aren't meant for this world. Our hearts cannot and will not be at home here.
This is where I struggle. My longings are so fickle and easily distracted. Thinking about things I've inwardly moaned about in the last week, well, the constant certainly wasn't 'let me be more useful to you, God' or 'give me discernment.' It was more like, 'when will I SLEEP' and 'oh, how I wish this semester was over.' I guess my lesson here is that there is more to life than our mundane longings. Push past it and focus on those that will not only bring God glory, but give us the peace and joy found in His kingdom.
grace and peace
Also, I couldn't leave out this passage by Lewis:
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.
Wednesday 13 April 2011
Death and all his friends
Although the suns been out in all of its glory, this week has been a gloomy one. One of the mothers of a girl a Stratford passed away over the weekend, and although she's fought cancer for years, her death still shook up so many people. Along with that, the memorial of TianLiang brought a new kind of sadness. Both brought sadness, but here's the deal: the girl's mother knew Jesus. She was known for her love for Him and how that affected her life-but TianLiang didn't, or at least we won't know for quite a while. This is the part that sickens me. I had conversations with him. I had opportunities. There may have been times I could have talked to him, but did I ever? No.
I've watched Francis Chan's sermon on Holy Anguish
so many times, and it has convicted me. How did I let those convictions get away from me? Why do I always have to learn these lessons after the matter? I guess to backtrack and explain, in the sermon, Chan is telling the importance of sharing our faith and truly mourning lost souls.
Here's the deal. Finding out TianLiang died, figuring out that I knew him, realizing that I don't know his standing with God- I felt anguish. There is nothing I can do to change his eternity now. Nothing. I am sitting pretty with an eternity of joy before me and for all I know, he has just entered eternal death-and I, and all of us who know grace have been commanded to share that, to make it known! The Great Commission says:
Now the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain to which Jesus had directed them. And when they saw him they worshiped him, but some doubted. And Jesus came and said to them, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age."
All authority in heaven and in earth- with that, Jesus commands us to go out and make disciples. He is telling us with such authority that this is what we ought to do and here I sit hanging out with friends, discussing paltry gossip, focusing on things that will end, just as will life. With no warning, life can end and with that our chances.
So while I rejoice in the life the mother lived, I mourn for the soul of a joyful student who probably never knew. I pray that I won't lose focus again.
I guess this is the thought I'm attempting to form. Be intentional. Don't live life as a joke, don't live it simply for yourself. As you care for others, they will care for you. See? You may even gain some friends. But more importantly, these are souls. The decisions we make now effect eternity. While we may enjoy our fleeting moments here, that enjoyment may result in suffering for another, and I don't know about you, but that isn't something I can handle. The deaths of loved ones have been hard enough knowing I won't see them for quite some time, but to leave someone's body in a grave knowing you won't ever see their soul again... I'll let you run with that.
Anyway, these are my convictions. Sorry it's depressing, but I guess one day we'll all face death. Let's live truly right now.
I'm going to leave you with my favorite hymn. My dad and I sang it almost every night before bed when I was little:
Some glad morning when this life is o'er,
I'll fly away;
To a home on God's celestial shore,
I'll fly away (I'll fly away).
I'll fly away, Oh Glory
I'll fly away; (in the morning)
When I die, Hallelujah, by and by,
I'll fly away (I'll fly away).
When the shadows of this life have gone,
I'll fly away;
Like a bird from prison bars has flown,
I'll fly away (I'll fly away)
Just a few more weary days and then,
I'll fly away;
To a land where joy shall never end,
I'll fly away (I'll fly away)
Sorry if this was disorganized... I've just been mulling all of this over, and this is about how together my mind is at 1 in the morning...
I've watched Francis Chan's sermon on Holy Anguish
so many times, and it has convicted me. How did I let those convictions get away from me? Why do I always have to learn these lessons after the matter? I guess to backtrack and explain, in the sermon, Chan is telling the importance of sharing our faith and truly mourning lost souls.
Here's the deal. Finding out TianLiang died, figuring out that I knew him, realizing that I don't know his standing with God- I felt anguish. There is nothing I can do to change his eternity now. Nothing. I am sitting pretty with an eternity of joy before me and for all I know, he has just entered eternal death-and I, and all of us who know grace have been commanded to share that, to make it known! The Great Commission says:
Now the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain to which Jesus had directed them. And when they saw him they worshiped him, but some doubted. And Jesus came and said to them, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age."
All authority in heaven and in earth- with that, Jesus commands us to go out and make disciples. He is telling us with such authority that this is what we ought to do and here I sit hanging out with friends, discussing paltry gossip, focusing on things that will end, just as will life. With no warning, life can end and with that our chances.
So while I rejoice in the life the mother lived, I mourn for the soul of a joyful student who probably never knew. I pray that I won't lose focus again.
I guess this is the thought I'm attempting to form. Be intentional. Don't live life as a joke, don't live it simply for yourself. As you care for others, they will care for you. See? You may even gain some friends. But more importantly, these are souls. The decisions we make now effect eternity. While we may enjoy our fleeting moments here, that enjoyment may result in suffering for another, and I don't know about you, but that isn't something I can handle. The deaths of loved ones have been hard enough knowing I won't see them for quite some time, but to leave someone's body in a grave knowing you won't ever see their soul again... I'll let you run with that.
Anyway, these are my convictions. Sorry it's depressing, but I guess one day we'll all face death. Let's live truly right now.
I'm going to leave you with my favorite hymn. My dad and I sang it almost every night before bed when I was little:
Some glad morning when this life is o'er,
I'll fly away;
To a home on God's celestial shore,
I'll fly away (I'll fly away).
I'll fly away, Oh Glory
I'll fly away; (in the morning)
When I die, Hallelujah, by and by,
I'll fly away (I'll fly away).
When the shadows of this life have gone,
I'll fly away;
Like a bird from prison bars has flown,
I'll fly away (I'll fly away)
Just a few more weary days and then,
I'll fly away;
To a land where joy shall never end,
I'll fly away (I'll fly away)
Sorry if this was disorganized... I've just been mulling all of this over, and this is about how together my mind is at 1 in the morning...
Saturday 2 April 2011
पूर्णता
Psalm 19
The heavens declare the glory of God,
and the sky above proclaims his handiwork.
Day to day pours out speech,
and night to night reveals knowledge.
There is no speech, nor are there words,
whose voice is not heard.
Their voice goes out through all the earth,
and their words to the end of the world.
In them he has set a tent for the sun,
which comes out like a bridegroom leaving his chamber,
and, like a strong man, runs its course with joy.
Its rising is from the end of the heavens,
and its circuit to the end of them,
and there is nothing hidden from its heat.
The law of the Lord is perfect,
reviving the soul;
the testimony of the Lord is sure,
making wise the simple;
the precepts of the Lord are right,
rejoicing the heart;
the commandment of the Lord is pure,
enlightening the eyes;
the fear of the Lord is clean,
enduring forever;
the rules of the Lord are true,
and righteous altogether.
More to be desired are they than gold,
even much fine gold;
sweeter also than honey
and drippings of the honeycomb.
Moreover, by them is your servant warned;
in keeping them there is great reward.
Who can discern his errors?
Declare me innocent from hidden faults.
Keep back your servant also from presumptuous sins;
let them not have dominion over me!
Then I shall be blameless,
and innocent of great transgression.
Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be acceptable in your sight,
O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.
Wow. Anyone else still floored? I know I've read this before, but today, it just hit me. I honestly feel like that's covered anything I could have written. You know in Zephaniah 3:17 where it says, "[God] will quiet you with his love"? Yeah. I feel like this is how that feels. Perfect description, actually. He has created the splendor that is the heavens, earth, moon, sun, and stars. His law is the epitome of love for us- absolutely everything we need, our portion. God has already given us all of this- who are we to desire anything else?
John Piper mentioned this passage in a book I was reading, recalling a time a pastor of his had spoken about it saying,
"[God] pled with us to stop seeking mental health in the mirror of self-analysis, but instead to drink in the remedies of [Himself] in nature... His plea was that we stop being unamazed by the glory of ordinary things." It's so true! How often I get caught up in endlessly analyzing myself and others, seeking constantly to be the better version of myself when as I look to God and seek His face, His love is reflected in my life. His glory is everywhere, and I get so focused on myself that I miss the simple beauties of a sunrise and the steady rebirth of nature in spring that God has His hand on- this is His creation! So, regarding this, my goal for this week is to spend more time with Him in His creation.
Sorry this is so short, but I'm falling asleep as I type. I encourage you guys to do the same, though! Look around and see God's glory in His creation :)
grace and peace
<-- The Andes Mountains :) God definitely took my breath away with those. Miss them a lot.
The heavens declare the glory of God,
and the sky above proclaims his handiwork.
Day to day pours out speech,
and night to night reveals knowledge.
There is no speech, nor are there words,
whose voice is not heard.
Their voice goes out through all the earth,
and their words to the end of the world.
In them he has set a tent for the sun,
which comes out like a bridegroom leaving his chamber,
and, like a strong man, runs its course with joy.
Its rising is from the end of the heavens,
and its circuit to the end of them,
and there is nothing hidden from its heat.
The law of the Lord is perfect,
reviving the soul;
the testimony of the Lord is sure,
making wise the simple;
the precepts of the Lord are right,
rejoicing the heart;
the commandment of the Lord is pure,
enlightening the eyes;
the fear of the Lord is clean,
enduring forever;
the rules of the Lord are true,
and righteous altogether.
More to be desired are they than gold,
even much fine gold;
sweeter also than honey
and drippings of the honeycomb.
Moreover, by them is your servant warned;
in keeping them there is great reward.
Who can discern his errors?
Declare me innocent from hidden faults.
Keep back your servant also from presumptuous sins;
let them not have dominion over me!
Then I shall be blameless,
and innocent of great transgression.
Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be acceptable in your sight,
O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.
Wow. Anyone else still floored? I know I've read this before, but today, it just hit me. I honestly feel like that's covered anything I could have written. You know in Zephaniah 3:17 where it says, "[God] will quiet you with his love"? Yeah. I feel like this is how that feels. Perfect description, actually. He has created the splendor that is the heavens, earth, moon, sun, and stars. His law is the epitome of love for us- absolutely everything we need, our portion. God has already given us all of this- who are we to desire anything else?
John Piper mentioned this passage in a book I was reading, recalling a time a pastor of his had spoken about it saying,
"[God] pled with us to stop seeking mental health in the mirror of self-analysis, but instead to drink in the remedies of [Himself] in nature... His plea was that we stop being unamazed by the glory of ordinary things." It's so true! How often I get caught up in endlessly analyzing myself and others, seeking constantly to be the better version of myself when as I look to God and seek His face, His love is reflected in my life. His glory is everywhere, and I get so focused on myself that I miss the simple beauties of a sunrise and the steady rebirth of nature in spring that God has His hand on- this is His creation! So, regarding this, my goal for this week is to spend more time with Him in His creation.
Sorry this is so short, but I'm falling asleep as I type. I encourage you guys to do the same, though! Look around and see God's glory in His creation :)
grace and peace
<-- The Andes Mountains :) God definitely took my breath away with those. Miss them a lot.
Wednesday 30 March 2011
επιστροφή
“I may no longer depend on pleasant impulses to bring me before the Lord. I must rather response to principles I know to be right, whether I feel them to be enjoyable or not.” - Jim Elliot
Regression is sicking. I don't know if one can truly immature in their faith, but I feel like I have. This year has been one of ups and downs and way too much to do. I feel like it's been a constant struggle of control, still and always, over who's in control. It's so easy to get on a pattern of scheduling and doing, but never being thankful and aware of what God is doing in my life. Honestly, I have accomplished nothing, save maybe realizing over and over that I can't do. Only God can.
May I just say that it's funny that I got more excited over the fact that class schedules were up than I have about anything God's done in quite a while? Dang.
Anyway, enough of that. Time for new beginnings, once again.
And maybe a short recap of what happened since I got too busy to complete my blog last summer:
-Houston changed me a lot. Or God did, of course, through the people he placed in my life as my sweet brothers and sisters, and through the experiences and challenges I faced there.
-School. Same old, same old. New friends, new challenges, same habitual overcommitment needing to be overcome, and many, many adventures.
-I found out I'll be going back to Houston in... 9 weeks! I'm super excited. That doesn't even begin to express it, actually.
-God gave me the awesome opportunity to serve for a week in Brazil-I never cease to be amazed by how he works.
Eh, enough of that. Anywho.
So here starts me focusing again. I'm hoping keeping up with a blog will help with that...
We'll hope so.
And a little encouragement from my dear Spurgeon...
"Let us search and try our ways, and turn again to the Lord."—Lamentations 3:40.
The spouse who fondly loves her absent husband longs for his return; a long protracted separation from her lord is a semi-death to her spirit: and so with souls who love the Saviour much, they must see His face, they cannot bear that He should be away upon the mountains of Bether, and no more hold communion with them. A reproaching glance, an uplifted finger will be grievous to loving children, who fear to offend their tender father, and are only happy in his smile. Beloved, it was so once with you. A text of Scripture, a threatening, a touch of the rod of affliction, and you went to your Father's feet, crying, "Show me wherefore Thou contendest with me?" Is it so now? Are you content to follow Jesus afar off? Can you contemplate suspended communion with Christ without alarm? Can you bear to have your Beloved walking contrary to you, because you walk contrary to Him? Have your sins separated between you and your God, and is your heart at rest? O let me affectionately warn you, for it is a grievous thing when we can live contentedly without the present enjoyment of the Saviour's face. Let us labour to feel what an evil thing this is—little love to our own dying Saviour, little joy in our precious Jesus, little fellowship with the Beloved! Hold a true Lent in your souls, while you sorrow over your hardness of heart. Do not stop at sorrow! Remember where you first received salvation. Go at once to the cross. There, and there only, can you get your spirit quickened. No matter how hard, how insensible, how dead we may have become, let us go again in all the rags and poverty, and defilement of our natural condition. Let us clasp that cross, let us look into those languid eyes, let us bathe in that fountain filled with blood—this will bring back to us our first love; this will restore the simplicity of our faith, and the tenderness of our heart.
So I don't know where you are, but I'm in need of going back to Christ's feet in the rags and poverty my flesh has brought me to be clothed in. This is not just my heart that is suffering, but the hearts of those who I have been called to minister to- for "If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing" (1 Cor 13:3). I have nothing without God's love in my heart-so as George Matheson said, "O Love, that wilt not let me go, I rest my weary soul in Thee; I give Thee back the life I owe, That in Thine ocean depths its flow May richer, fuller be."
Back to the only love that sustains me I go.
grace and peace.
Regression is sicking. I don't know if one can truly immature in their faith, but I feel like I have. This year has been one of ups and downs and way too much to do. I feel like it's been a constant struggle of control, still and always, over who's in control. It's so easy to get on a pattern of scheduling and doing, but never being thankful and aware of what God is doing in my life. Honestly, I have accomplished nothing, save maybe realizing over and over that I can't do. Only God can.
May I just say that it's funny that I got more excited over the fact that class schedules were up than I have about anything God's done in quite a while? Dang.
Anyway, enough of that. Time for new beginnings, once again.
And maybe a short recap of what happened since I got too busy to complete my blog last summer:
-Houston changed me a lot. Or God did, of course, through the people he placed in my life as my sweet brothers and sisters, and through the experiences and challenges I faced there.
-School. Same old, same old. New friends, new challenges, same habitual overcommitment needing to be overcome, and many, many adventures.
-I found out I'll be going back to Houston in... 9 weeks! I'm super excited. That doesn't even begin to express it, actually.
-God gave me the awesome opportunity to serve for a week in Brazil-I never cease to be amazed by how he works.
Eh, enough of that. Anywho.
So here starts me focusing again. I'm hoping keeping up with a blog will help with that...
We'll hope so.
And a little encouragement from my dear Spurgeon...
"Let us search and try our ways, and turn again to the Lord."—Lamentations 3:40.
The spouse who fondly loves her absent husband longs for his return; a long protracted separation from her lord is a semi-death to her spirit: and so with souls who love the Saviour much, they must see His face, they cannot bear that He should be away upon the mountains of Bether, and no more hold communion with them. A reproaching glance, an uplifted finger will be grievous to loving children, who fear to offend their tender father, and are only happy in his smile. Beloved, it was so once with you. A text of Scripture, a threatening, a touch of the rod of affliction, and you went to your Father's feet, crying, "Show me wherefore Thou contendest with me?" Is it so now? Are you content to follow Jesus afar off? Can you contemplate suspended communion with Christ without alarm? Can you bear to have your Beloved walking contrary to you, because you walk contrary to Him? Have your sins separated between you and your God, and is your heart at rest? O let me affectionately warn you, for it is a grievous thing when we can live contentedly without the present enjoyment of the Saviour's face. Let us labour to feel what an evil thing this is—little love to our own dying Saviour, little joy in our precious Jesus, little fellowship with the Beloved! Hold a true Lent in your souls, while you sorrow over your hardness of heart. Do not stop at sorrow! Remember where you first received salvation. Go at once to the cross. There, and there only, can you get your spirit quickened. No matter how hard, how insensible, how dead we may have become, let us go again in all the rags and poverty, and defilement of our natural condition. Let us clasp that cross, let us look into those languid eyes, let us bathe in that fountain filled with blood—this will bring back to us our first love; this will restore the simplicity of our faith, and the tenderness of our heart.
So I don't know where you are, but I'm in need of going back to Christ's feet in the rags and poverty my flesh has brought me to be clothed in. This is not just my heart that is suffering, but the hearts of those who I have been called to minister to- for "If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing" (1 Cor 13:3). I have nothing without God's love in my heart-so as George Matheson said, "O Love, that wilt not let me go, I rest my weary soul in Thee; I give Thee back the life I owe, That in Thine ocean depths its flow May richer, fuller be."
Back to the only love that sustains me I go.
grace and peace.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)