frustration

You know, frustration happens. It's not that I'm particularly mad at anything... it's just frustrating. You know? Sometimes, I just want to be in control so bad. I want to be secure in knowing that all of my children were born here and that I don't have to think about them having to lean on the centers not just for clubs to learn about Jesus, but for food in clothing in a mere two years or so. That stinks. It just plain stinks. These kids have potential and passion- they are more humble a lot of the time than most of the people I find in the churches that surrounding my home. Why do they have to be the ones caught with the short straw? Why? Why do I get to go to college and travel around the world and have my own car when they don't even have their own room or more than one pair of shoes?
Well, my heart is broken as of now, but God will heal it and is doing so as I type. I need to learn daily to lay down my cares and my worries at His feet, for as I told my kids over and over this weekend- God listens to our prayers. He hears them and loves us more than anything. He loves them more than anything. Even if they won't find their dreams in the States because of their citizenship-if they can't be a therapist or a marine and have to work construction or live off of stamps... God will be with them. But right now, I just hate it more than anything. How is this justice?
Psalm 38:9 -10, 15 says "O Lord, all my longing is before you; my sighing is not hidden from you. My heart throbs; my strength fails me, and the light of my eyes--it has also gone from me... But for you, O LORD, do I wait; it is you, O Lord my God, who will answer."
That's my prayer right now. God knows our pains, our sighs- He hears our sighs... but all in all, I am waiting for Him to be glorified, for He will be. He will not abandon me just as He will never abandon my kids.
Anyhow, enough of that rant. We just got back from taking 35 of our teens and preteens to Trinity Pines, a camp out in the woods, for the weekend to learn more about having a relationship with God and what that truly looks like. It was a super blessing to be able to be a part of that. I was in a cabin with another missionary who I love and 3 teens from Gano center and one from mine, and to see the struggles these girls face as well as how God has moved in their hearts was just humbling. One girl gave birth to a little girl 5 months ago and talking to her, hearing how she wants to follow God, is feeling His convictions, and how much she's learned from the unwed pregnancy was beautiful. There is no other word to describe it. That is God's glory right there-taking such a rough situation and making it a blessing beyond belief.
Talking to one of my favorite teen boys from my center was sweet as well. One of them opened up about how hard it is to be at his school with dealers all around, but how he doesn't want to live that life. He wants to be a therapist. And every single door that was to be passed through was held open by him for even twenty minutes at most. And he told me I was his best friend. Which he's said before. But he's adorable. It's like being a big sister.
They are so precious.
So, this week, we'll have a new group helping us, so pray that God will grant us patience and grace in teaching them how to grow as leaders. Pray that our kids will have hope for a future following the Lord.. and that I will trust that as well.
grace and peace.