ζουν εκ προθέσεως

Along with being blessed enough to be able to serve in Htown, this summer has potential to be quite interesting.
Right now, I'm enjoying my last just-family vacation before my brother is married.
In the next two weeks, my sister will give birth to her first, Elijah James.
In about a month and a half, my brother will marry his Georgia Honors Program sweetheart.
In August, I'll be moving into my first rental house.
With all of these events, chapters coming to a close, new ones beginning... the first thing to come to mind is:
Weird.
Typical, I know. I'm still getting used to this whole real adult stuff, I guess. Call me naive or immature, but woah. It seems like yesterday that my brother and I obsessed with bringing friends on vacation so it wouldn't be boring. I don't really feel quite old enough to be an aunt, but I'm super excited nonetheless. Honestly, it's crazy (and really exciting) to think that Nat's getting hitched. I would think the whole house thing would be crazier, but hey, I'm blinded with excitement about having a kitchen. For real.
I guess that's how life is though, doors opening, doors closing... I always seem to slightly dread these changes, but every time I seem surprised to see how God has truly blessed each and every chapter of my life so far. It may be different, but it's awesome to see His hand in everything that has happened.
This is how it's going to be for the rest of life. Things are occasionally hard to let go. It's still hard for me to think of the suddenness of my grandmother's death nearly three years ago, but my new step-grandmother has brought so much joy to my family already. I miss my high school friends occasionally, but oh, God has been so good to bring amazing friends who are practically my family all over Macon and even sweet friends around the world. I'll miss having my siblings so close to me, but I am overjoyed to see what God has in store for their new families. So while there may be pain in the offering, giving up control and giving up holding onto those things leaves space for the joy that God brings when we give Him the reigns in our life.
In At the End of the Spear, Nate Saint's son expresses the grief that he felt along with his family when God revealed to him that it was time for him to stop living alongside the Waodani people and let them grow as a sustained people, leaning on God and one another rather than those from the outside world. Although this was painful for all, in the long run, it was necessary. It has helped the Waodani to gain respect from the outside world and thrive as a people, rather than dying out.
To bring back an old quote that I adore:
"The disposition... to leave the dearest objects of our hearts in the sublime keeping of the general and unspecific belief that God is now answering our prayers in His own time and way, and in the best manner, involves a present process of inward crucifixion which is obviously unfavorable to the growth and even the existence of the life of self"- TC Upham
Inner crucifixion. That describes perfectly the experience we have as we learn to die to ourselves, to understand that God has the best intentions for us all, whether we can see it yet, or if we're still having trouble keeping focus from the pain of a chapter ending. But that's it--God does have our desires in mind when our minds and hearts are set on Him. When we are seeking Him, He will be faithful. That is the most comforting thing in the world. No matter what happens, when my heart is bent to His, His joy and peace will be upon me. His will will be done.
So my encouragement to you in this rather random post is to continue to trust that God works all things together for His good. I know we've all heard that a trillion and five times, but once again- all things work together for His good. Repeat it and remember the love of our God to His people.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. -Romans 8:28-30