So, while I'm not serving in Houston anymore, God has still given me ministry where I am, and as I continue, I am learning that the ministries I've served in will never leave my heart. I still daily feel conviction to pray and seek the Lord concerning the people I've worked with, and I know that home will be wherever God is calling me now. Now, it's Macon, GA- God has given me so much. He gave me a job that I love teaching Bible studies four afternoons a week and getting to know and love 30 fifth through ninth graders at an after school program. I have an amazing family and wonderful friends. The people in my life are just so orchestrated by the Spirit in how they are there when I need them and God puts me in places where I can shine His light. Anyway, though, a couple of weeks ago, I starting reading Kisses from Katie (please read it-it's wonderful), and in there, she talked about where Jesus said, "To whom much is given, much is expected." This has been going through my head since. It has come up over and over since. The speaker at BCM tonight brought it up.
I don't know why.
I know God has given me much. I can see it all around me. I am desperately fighting to be faithful and to rise to such a gift in obedience. But at the same time, it's so easy to wonder what's in store next. I feel like something big is happening. I just don't know what yet.
So, I'm living in hope and expectation. I am filled with joy with how God is making my heart stretch and grow for things I never thought I would feel passion towards. I know He has plans for me. I pray that I welcome them with the same spirit as the prophet Isaiah, and without question, say, "Here am I." Let me not be distracted by the world and its temporary love and material possessions, but run freely to let His kingdom reign here on earth. Not tomorrow, not next year, not when I'm married and settled, but now.
So, I know that's a bit random, but that's what's on my heart right now. I pray that God will speak to you and that you will listen.
Be joyful. Be overcome by God's grace and His love and His compassion. I certainly am.
Thursday 16 February 2012
Thursday 14 July 2011
weakness
How often will God remind me of my weakness this summer?
It's humbling over and over to realize that I am not in control. Although I have been placed in leadership as a position here, that does not grant me omnipotence in solving issues or helping people, or in any situation for that matter.
I mean, I hate not being able to help people. It seriously makes me uncomfortable when I can't think of a way to make someone feel better. I am a very empathetic person... so your pain is mine.
So when things come up like one of my boys finding a tumor in his leg when he is only 9 and by no means could afford treatment for anything along that line.. well, it makes me want to just give up. I can't do anything about it. It breaks my heart, but it's easy to sit there and simply crawl into despair in our weakness-but contrary to this, God's word says that His strength is found in our weakness. While this is true and so easy to proclaim in times of spiritual weakness, at the same time, in situations like this, it's the same. While I can't be there to hold this boy and financially support Luís, God will provide people around him if I have faith and am fervent in prayer to ask for His help. This is the trust that we have to have. Trust that no matter what we are faced with, whether God grants us the position and the means for Him to work through us specifically to bring His healing and justice, or if we have to submit to the truth that He will use others at some point and perhaps not while we can even see it- in any case, He is sovereign over all. His will is greater than ours, His ways higher than ours.
Pray that I will be able to see this not only in my brokenness over the situations with my children, but also with broken relationships and such among the team.
Lamentations 3:22-33
It's humbling over and over to realize that I am not in control. Although I have been placed in leadership as a position here, that does not grant me omnipotence in solving issues or helping people, or in any situation for that matter.
I mean, I hate not being able to help people. It seriously makes me uncomfortable when I can't think of a way to make someone feel better. I am a very empathetic person... so your pain is mine.
So when things come up like one of my boys finding a tumor in his leg when he is only 9 and by no means could afford treatment for anything along that line.. well, it makes me want to just give up. I can't do anything about it. It breaks my heart, but it's easy to sit there and simply crawl into despair in our weakness-but contrary to this, God's word says that His strength is found in our weakness. While this is true and so easy to proclaim in times of spiritual weakness, at the same time, in situations like this, it's the same. While I can't be there to hold this boy and financially support Luís, God will provide people around him if I have faith and am fervent in prayer to ask for His help. This is the trust that we have to have. Trust that no matter what we are faced with, whether God grants us the position and the means for Him to work through us specifically to bring His healing and justice, or if we have to submit to the truth that He will use others at some point and perhaps not while we can even see it- in any case, He is sovereign over all. His will is greater than ours, His ways higher than ours.
Pray that I will be able to see this not only in my brokenness over the situations with my children, but also with broken relationships and such among the team.
Lamentations 3:22-33
Monday 4 July 2011
eternidad
You know, it's so easy to focus ourselves on day to day lives. Even if we're stuck on the past or on 27 days from now (boo), a year from now, or 10 years from now, what we're missing is that each and every part of our lives, every second, every minute affects eternity.
My supervisor spoke this morning at church about how God has entrusted us with everything we have-money, clothing, etc, but how often do you think about the hearts and souls of the people we come in contact with? Can we honestly say that we have been faithful with everything that God has entrusted us in ministry-not just on mission trips, but throughout our daily lives?
Yeesh.
I don't know. That just super convicted me today. It's so easy to become focused on efficiency and forget that the goal is not the speed of what we do, but who we do it for and our goal in mind for each and every person we come in contact with- that they may know the freedom we have found in the grace and love of our Lord.
So there you go.
Anyway.
This week, one of my favorite groups from Arkansas (Ar-kansas) is coming, so I am so so so excited! They are hardworking and wonderful, so be in prayer. And with that, be in prayer for our center. We have started a semi renovation project on our building (which was built in approx. 1960), so the falling down wooden panels on our walls have begun to be taken down and will be sanded and painted over with a more joyful color yellow-all thanks to some sweet sponsors donating $500 to each center to work on projects with! We do need about $500 more to finish our project, so be in prayer for that as well that the Lord will provide (I know He will) :)!
If I had cherished iniquity in my heart, the Lord would not have listened. But truly God has listened; he has attended to the voice of my prayer. Blessed be God, because he has not rejected my prayer or removed his steadfast love from me! -Psalm 66:18-20
Remember that if we come before the Lord clean from iniquity asking for His help, He will be faithful to listen! How awesome is our God?
My supervisor spoke this morning at church about how God has entrusted us with everything we have-money, clothing, etc, but how often do you think about the hearts and souls of the people we come in contact with? Can we honestly say that we have been faithful with everything that God has entrusted us in ministry-not just on mission trips, but throughout our daily lives?
Yeesh.
I don't know. That just super convicted me today. It's so easy to become focused on efficiency and forget that the goal is not the speed of what we do, but who we do it for and our goal in mind for each and every person we come in contact with- that they may know the freedom we have found in the grace and love of our Lord.
So there you go.
Anyway.
This week, one of my favorite groups from Arkansas (Ar-kansas) is coming, so I am so so so excited! They are hardworking and wonderful, so be in prayer. And with that, be in prayer for our center. We have started a semi renovation project on our building (which was built in approx. 1960), so the falling down wooden panels on our walls have begun to be taken down and will be sanded and painted over with a more joyful color yellow-all thanks to some sweet sponsors donating $500 to each center to work on projects with! We do need about $500 more to finish our project, so be in prayer for that as well that the Lord will provide (I know He will) :)!
If I had cherished iniquity in my heart, the Lord would not have listened. But truly God has listened; he has attended to the voice of my prayer. Blessed be God, because he has not rejected my prayer or removed his steadfast love from me! -Psalm 66:18-20
Remember that if we come before the Lord clean from iniquity asking for His help, He will be faithful to listen! How awesome is our God?
Sunday 26 June 2011
frustration
You know, frustration happens. It's not that I'm particularly mad at anything... it's just frustrating. You know? Sometimes, I just want to be in control so bad. I want to be secure in knowing that all of my children were born here and that I don't have to think about them having to lean on the centers not just for clubs to learn about Jesus, but for food in clothing in a mere two years or so. That stinks. It just plain stinks. These kids have potential and passion- they are more humble a lot of the time than most of the people I find in the churches that surrounding my home. Why do they have to be the ones caught with the short straw? Why? Why do I get to go to college and travel around the world and have my own car when they don't even have their own room or more than one pair of shoes?
Well, my heart is broken as of now, but God will heal it and is doing so as I type. I need to learn daily to lay down my cares and my worries at His feet, for as I told my kids over and over this weekend- God listens to our prayers. He hears them and loves us more than anything. He loves them more than anything. Even if they won't find their dreams in the States because of their citizenship-if they can't be a therapist or a marine and have to work construction or live off of stamps... God will be with them. But right now, I just hate it more than anything. How is this justice?
Psalm 38:9 -10, 15 says "O Lord, all my longing is before you; my sighing is not hidden from you. My heart throbs; my strength fails me, and the light of my eyes--it has also gone from me... But for you, O LORD, do I wait; it is you, O Lord my God, who will answer."
That's my prayer right now. God knows our pains, our sighs- He hears our sighs... but all in all, I am waiting for Him to be glorified, for He will be. He will not abandon me just as He will never abandon my kids.
Anyhow, enough of that rant. We just got back from taking 35 of our teens and preteens to Trinity Pines, a camp out in the woods, for the weekend to learn more about having a relationship with God and what that truly looks like. It was a super blessing to be able to be a part of that. I was in a cabin with another missionary who I love and 3 teens from Gano center and one from mine, and to see the struggles these girls face as well as how God has moved in their hearts was just humbling. One girl gave birth to a little girl 5 months ago and talking to her, hearing how she wants to follow God, is feeling His convictions, and how much she's learned from the unwed pregnancy was beautiful. There is no other word to describe it. That is God's glory right there-taking such a rough situation and making it a blessing beyond belief.
Talking to one of my favorite teen boys from my center was sweet as well. One of them opened up about how hard it is to be at his school with dealers all around, but how he doesn't want to live that life. He wants to be a therapist. And every single door that was to be passed through was held open by him for even twenty minutes at most. And he told me I was his best friend. Which he's said before. But he's adorable. It's like being a big sister.
They are so precious.
So, this week, we'll have a new group helping us, so pray that God will grant us patience and grace in teaching them how to grow as leaders. Pray that our kids will have hope for a future following the Lord.. and that I will trust that as well.
grace and peace.
Well, my heart is broken as of now, but God will heal it and is doing so as I type. I need to learn daily to lay down my cares and my worries at His feet, for as I told my kids over and over this weekend- God listens to our prayers. He hears them and loves us more than anything. He loves them more than anything. Even if they won't find their dreams in the States because of their citizenship-if they can't be a therapist or a marine and have to work construction or live off of stamps... God will be with them. But right now, I just hate it more than anything. How is this justice?
Psalm 38:9 -10, 15 says "O Lord, all my longing is before you; my sighing is not hidden from you. My heart throbs; my strength fails me, and the light of my eyes--it has also gone from me... But for you, O LORD, do I wait; it is you, O Lord my God, who will answer."
That's my prayer right now. God knows our pains, our sighs- He hears our sighs... but all in all, I am waiting for Him to be glorified, for He will be. He will not abandon me just as He will never abandon my kids.
Anyhow, enough of that rant. We just got back from taking 35 of our teens and preteens to Trinity Pines, a camp out in the woods, for the weekend to learn more about having a relationship with God and what that truly looks like. It was a super blessing to be able to be a part of that. I was in a cabin with another missionary who I love and 3 teens from Gano center and one from mine, and to see the struggles these girls face as well as how God has moved in their hearts was just humbling. One girl gave birth to a little girl 5 months ago and talking to her, hearing how she wants to follow God, is feeling His convictions, and how much she's learned from the unwed pregnancy was beautiful. There is no other word to describe it. That is God's glory right there-taking such a rough situation and making it a blessing beyond belief.
Talking to one of my favorite teen boys from my center was sweet as well. One of them opened up about how hard it is to be at his school with dealers all around, but how he doesn't want to live that life. He wants to be a therapist. And every single door that was to be passed through was held open by him for even twenty minutes at most. And he told me I was his best friend. Which he's said before. But he's adorable. It's like being a big sister.
They are so precious.
So, this week, we'll have a new group helping us, so pray that God will grant us patience and grace in teaching them how to grow as leaders. Pray that our kids will have hope for a future following the Lord.. and that I will trust that as well.
grace and peace.
Tuesday 14 June 2011
How do you say "I'm going to spend my life with you in spanish?"
Aaaaand groups have begun. After a summer with only about five last year, to have the whole summer booked up every week with volunteer mission groups coming daily is kind of awesome. It's a lot more responsibility in a different way, but at the same time, it's cool to be able to build relationships with them and see how God works through them during the week- not to mention, they are so encouraging when we're exhausted!
You know what's crazy? It's so easy to tell the difference when you're in prayer and not by how our days go. Yesterday, we were supposed to get this HUGE order of food in before kids club started- you know, 40 containers of chicken, 100 containers of corn, all that jazz, nothing big- and instead of coming two hours before the kids came, it came 5 minutes prior. Ha. Hilarious, right? So as the kids poured in, all 20 of us with the group (who is awesome! they are absolutely wonderful!) ran around like chickens with our heads cut off trying to get the food in the building, to the pantry, and organized. All the while, the kids were crazy. I walked in once, and our director was struggling to get everyone checked in and a couple of boys were in a fight. Well, that never happens. Not kidding.
The thing is, we didn't pray that afternoon. Every day before club, we always-always! pray. Prayer is so powerful. When we put our problems at the feet of God and trust Him with them, He will help us follow Him and will help us control our attitudes...
So, that's my brain-fried struggle of a thought for the day. Sorry if it didn't make a whoooole lot of sense. I tried.
Things you could pray for:
-We're taking our preteens and children on a field trip on Thursday- pray that things will go smoothly, kids will show up, and that no one gets lost or hurt!
- Unity in our house. I can tell prayer has had an effect!
- VoBS- Vocational Beginners School. We've just started this program this year for our teens (ones who have shown clear direction and motivation in their lives) to help train them on how to approach the work world in an informed and Godly way. It's pretty cool. Pray that it will be effective and will raise leaders in the community.
And that's about it for right now! Oh, and I did get cheesed at the last church we visited. At the dinner afterwards, a fifteen year old boy who was quite the awkward fellow asked me how to say "I'm going to spend my life with you in spanish."
Ahem.
No sir.
Anywho, spend some time in prayer today! 1 Thessalonians 5:17 says that we are to "pray without ceasing."
I know that's said a lot, but let's live it out. :)
grace and peace
You know what's crazy? It's so easy to tell the difference when you're in prayer and not by how our days go. Yesterday, we were supposed to get this HUGE order of food in before kids club started- you know, 40 containers of chicken, 100 containers of corn, all that jazz, nothing big- and instead of coming two hours before the kids came, it came 5 minutes prior. Ha. Hilarious, right? So as the kids poured in, all 20 of us with the group (who is awesome! they are absolutely wonderful!) ran around like chickens with our heads cut off trying to get the food in the building, to the pantry, and organized. All the while, the kids were crazy. I walked in once, and our director was struggling to get everyone checked in and a couple of boys were in a fight. Well, that never happens. Not kidding.
The thing is, we didn't pray that afternoon. Every day before club, we always-always! pray. Prayer is so powerful. When we put our problems at the feet of God and trust Him with them, He will help us follow Him and will help us control our attitudes...
So, that's my brain-fried struggle of a thought for the day. Sorry if it didn't make a whoooole lot of sense. I tried.
Things you could pray for:
-We're taking our preteens and children on a field trip on Thursday- pray that things will go smoothly, kids will show up, and that no one gets lost or hurt!
- Unity in our house. I can tell prayer has had an effect!
- VoBS- Vocational Beginners School. We've just started this program this year for our teens (ones who have shown clear direction and motivation in their lives) to help train them on how to approach the work world in an informed and Godly way. It's pretty cool. Pray that it will be effective and will raise leaders in the community.
And that's about it for right now! Oh, and I did get cheesed at the last church we visited. At the dinner afterwards, a fifteen year old boy who was quite the awkward fellow asked me how to say "I'm going to spend my life with you in spanish."
Ahem.
No sir.
Anywho, spend some time in prayer today! 1 Thessalonians 5:17 says that we are to "pray without ceasing."
I know that's said a lot, but let's live it out. :)
grace and peace
Monday 13 June 2011
Surrender
If you know me at all, you probably know that I am a planner at heart. I live by my hour-by-hour purple planner and I have (or had) my entire class list at Mercer planned out via Excel sheet saved on my computer.
Well, today, at a church, I shared my testimony. I talked about how although in the search to find something to make me feel whole in this world, I suffered a lot and went through so many situations that were detrimental to my spirit- but even though those things happened, I knew that the Lord had been with me all the way and knew what was best for me. All of the things that hurt me at the time, like not getting into the school I wanted to, my grandmother dying, relationships crumbling- they led me to my knees and eventually God worked them together to get me here in a place where I feel more loved, more purposeful, and more joyful than any other time in my life. Not only that, but the most growth I have ever felt in my walk with the Lord has occurred here.
After saying all of that, I proceeded to spend the rest of the evening distracting myself with possibilities. Possibilities upon possibilities about where I may end up in the next four years-planning, anguishing over details, overall breaking my trust in God for my own selfish gain.
But what do I gain?
Matthew 6, which I apparently still cannot get into my head from last night says that I gain nothing from stressing myself out about the future- God knows where I will be and what I will be doing. I don't need to know- all I need to do is serve Him and glorify Him where He has put me right now. How easily I forget what a blessing it is for me to even be here, even if just for a moment!
I can't be in two places in time at once, but God has my life planned out to the t, and He knows exactly what's good for me.
Pray that I will be able to surrender to that and trust that God will place me where I ought to be, and that I can focus on the amazingly awesomely wonderfully perfect place that God has put me right now. Well, perfect for me. I cannot get over how much I love this place.
In any case, exciting news- We had block parties for the kids and preteens on Saturday- ours was super precious. It was farm themed, and all of the kids got little farm animal visors and got to have fun and all that jazz, so hopefully any new ones will come back for club tomorrow! Also, a Korean church is helping at all 3 centers next week, so pray that we will be equipped to lead them with humility and love.
Well, today, at a church, I shared my testimony. I talked about how although in the search to find something to make me feel whole in this world, I suffered a lot and went through so many situations that were detrimental to my spirit- but even though those things happened, I knew that the Lord had been with me all the way and knew what was best for me. All of the things that hurt me at the time, like not getting into the school I wanted to, my grandmother dying, relationships crumbling- they led me to my knees and eventually God worked them together to get me here in a place where I feel more loved, more purposeful, and more joyful than any other time in my life. Not only that, but the most growth I have ever felt in my walk with the Lord has occurred here.
After saying all of that, I proceeded to spend the rest of the evening distracting myself with possibilities. Possibilities upon possibilities about where I may end up in the next four years-planning, anguishing over details, overall breaking my trust in God for my own selfish gain.
But what do I gain?
Matthew 6, which I apparently still cannot get into my head from last night says that I gain nothing from stressing myself out about the future- God knows where I will be and what I will be doing. I don't need to know- all I need to do is serve Him and glorify Him where He has put me right now. How easily I forget what a blessing it is for me to even be here, even if just for a moment!
I can't be in two places in time at once, but God has my life planned out to the t, and He knows exactly what's good for me.
Pray that I will be able to surrender to that and trust that God will place me where I ought to be, and that I can focus on the amazingly awesomely wonderfully perfect place that God has put me right now. Well, perfect for me. I cannot get over how much I love this place.
In any case, exciting news- We had block parties for the kids and preteens on Saturday- ours was super precious. It was farm themed, and all of the kids got little farm animal visors and got to have fun and all that jazz, so hopefully any new ones will come back for club tomorrow! Also, a Korean church is helping at all 3 centers next week, so pray that we will be equipped to lead them with humility and love.
Sunday 12 June 2011
¡fiel es el Señor!
Woah. Ever had that time where you prayed, and you really believed that God would answer your prayers in His time and in His way because He loves us that much?
Well, that's one of our theme ish question things this summer- What if we believed God? What if we believed that prayer is powerful and that God truly does work through it? Well, you know, earlier this week, when I was wearing the shirt that said that, I thought to myself and was like, huh. You know, there are a lot of times where I really don't believe that-times that I pray easy prayers, ones that surely God will answer, or half-believingly pray something pretty big, thinking in the back of my mind that God will never, ever do such an awesome thing in my simple little life.
Psht. Who am I kidding? Am I really thinking of the same God whose son was resurrected from the grave, who parted the seas, brought the dead to life, and will bring justice to this world? I couldn't be.
Seriously.
God has a plan for this city, and He has a plan for me. He doesn't want my halfway prayers; He doesn't want me to kind of believe His promises.
He wants me to have faith that hearts can change, that souls can be saved, that He is enough for us all.
So here it is. Here I am, believing that God can and will change the hearts here, that lives will be changed, and that God will continue to give me faith that His will is perfect for me and that I need Him more than anything in this world.
Pray that I would continue to have faith. Pray for the community, that their hearts would cry out for God to fill the hole that sin has left within them. Pray that our team would be strengthened and unified in the goal of glorifying God in everything that we do. Pray that love would overcome the sin abounding here.
And finally, this song has been weighing on my heart for most of this week, so I figured I would share it.
Lord I Need You by Chris Tomlin
Lord I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart
You're the one that guides my heart
Lord, I need You, oh I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
Where sin runs deep, Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
And where You are Lord I am free
Holiness is Christ in me
Yes where You are Lord I am free
Holiness is Christ in me
So teach my song to rise to You
When temptation comes my way
And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You
Jesus You're my hope and stay
And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You
Jesus You're my hope and stay
The only way we can go on living is through trust and faith that God will pick us up when we fall and that He has everything that we need to go on. I pray that you will walk in faithfulness to our God.
Matt. 6:25-34
Well, that's one of our theme ish question things this summer- What if we believed God? What if we believed that prayer is powerful and that God truly does work through it? Well, you know, earlier this week, when I was wearing the shirt that said that, I thought to myself and was like, huh. You know, there are a lot of times where I really don't believe that-times that I pray easy prayers, ones that surely God will answer, or half-believingly pray something pretty big, thinking in the back of my mind that God will never, ever do such an awesome thing in my simple little life.
Psht. Who am I kidding? Am I really thinking of the same God whose son was resurrected from the grave, who parted the seas, brought the dead to life, and will bring justice to this world? I couldn't be.
Seriously.
God has a plan for this city, and He has a plan for me. He doesn't want my halfway prayers; He doesn't want me to kind of believe His promises.
He wants me to have faith that hearts can change, that souls can be saved, that He is enough for us all.
So here it is. Here I am, believing that God can and will change the hearts here, that lives will be changed, and that God will continue to give me faith that His will is perfect for me and that I need Him more than anything in this world.
Pray that I would continue to have faith. Pray for the community, that their hearts would cry out for God to fill the hole that sin has left within them. Pray that our team would be strengthened and unified in the goal of glorifying God in everything that we do. Pray that love would overcome the sin abounding here.
And finally, this song has been weighing on my heart for most of this week, so I figured I would share it.
Lord I Need You by Chris Tomlin
Lord I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart
You're the one that guides my heart
Lord, I need You, oh I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
Where sin runs deep, Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
And where You are Lord I am free
Holiness is Christ in me
Yes where You are Lord I am free
Holiness is Christ in me
So teach my song to rise to You
When temptation comes my way
And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You
Jesus You're my hope and stay
And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You
Jesus You're my hope and stay
The only way we can go on living is through trust and faith that God will pick us up when we fall and that He has everything that we need to go on. I pray that you will walk in faithfulness to our God.
Matt. 6:25-34
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